Insights Conference

I am waiting to hear back from someone at Green Acre Baha'i School. She and I are supposed to talk about costs and such so the committee can get to planning. YES!!! there is a comittee now. At the moment there are two women and I still have to contact a guy that I went to high school with. The women seem to be really cool people and I am looking forward to working with them. The guy I have known for awhile and I already know he is cool.

Nevin informed me last night that he thought I would be going to the conference at Louhelen Baha'i School....ummmm, no, hadn't thought about it. He had thought about it and ,of course, the businessman/teacher in him had very convincing reasons why I should go: 1. I would get to experience firsthand what an "Insights" conference is like. 2. I could maybe get put on that committee to gain some planning experience. These definitly are good reasons and I'll think about it. It's a good thing he said something because with everything happening in my life at the moment, I would have completely missed that telepathic message. So, when is the Louhelen conference?

Sistah Poets-A Choreopoem

I have been blessed to have a number of very close girlfriends...sisters actually. Let's see there is Ruha, Asali, and Angela who I grew up with who are now living in DC, California, and Georgia. Then there is Ody, who I am closest with who lives here in South Carolina and also Windi. Then Lacey and Karen in Chicago and Nancy in Haifa and Kat in Korea and Nica in DC.

Yesterday Asali, Angela, Ody and myself talked on the phone with children yelling or talking in the background in three of the homes. Of course I was driving back from Columbia so I must have looked really odd laughing my head off on the phone...which is what I was doing most of the time. Then I remembered something a couple of us had done years ago.. before marriages and children and travelling.

Some of us would get together and read our poetry. Nothing formal...just to have something to do. An idea cropped up to start a live poetry group called "Sistah Poets". It was so organic and beautiful that it was never meant to last. We performed once at Barnes and Noble in the coffee shop to rave reviews. We were interviewed beforehand and people showed up. I think it was like a breath of fresh air. None of us were professionals but we brought ourselves, with our diverse experiences, talents and abilities to the table. That was the point. So there was singing, dancing, and a display of poetry completely diverse in its delivery and style...people loved it. The poetry had been arranged to follow a story line and that was easy because we simply created a set like one of our living rooms and talked as women do.

The four way conversation reminded me of an idea I had had a long time ago. I started writing choreopoems after reading Ntozake Shange's choreopoem "for colored girls who have considered suicide when the rainbow is enuf" I was inspired by its powerful simplicity. I have written two chorepoems since and have always had two more in the back of my mind...one is called "Sistah Poets". I want to re-create that organic expression in a way that it can be experienced more than once. Bascially a choreopoem, for those who don't know, is a play written entirely in poetry and monologue with dance and song as an integral part. There are very few lines where the actors directly dialogue. The style lends itself to limitless creativity.

There is a part of me that wants to capture this moment in life. To have something to look back on in my advanced years and smile at. The beauty of spiritual connections with women as we have moved from youth into adulthood.

I am still tired. I went to Columbia two days ago. The Baha'i Community found out that it had moved to A cluster status which means that it is ready to support intensive growth. That was really exciting. The grad school program I am looking at is located in Columbia. There are so many good reasons for me to go there. I also went dancing and had an awesome time. Right before I left I got to dance with this amazing salsa dancer and then the guy I met the last time I went, Cordell, cut in. Before I knew it I was being passed between these two great dancers with completely different styles. It was so much fun. When I was in Korea and went dancing at Macondo for the last time, two of my guy friends there did the same thing. Then the next day I ended up on a four way phone conversation with my girlfriends. It was so wonderful. I will write in another posting about that because it brought back to me an idea I had a long time ago.

gotta eat!!!

I have tons of stuff to write about but I haven't really eaten yet today so I will eat first then get back on the computer.

who said 30 isn't a GREAT age? man, i am looking at people here younger than me...25 and up and they just look HAGGARD. i mean wrinkled and aged. no wonder i used to think 30 was so old^^

Patience is a Virtue

My day completely brightened up after a call to a grad school program at Columbia College in Columbia South Carolina. I am looking at the Divergent Learners Masters in Ed. I found out that not only is the GRE not required...because I had a GPA higher than 3.2...but that I can modify the course to whatever work I am doing with young people. Suddenly the world of possibilities and opportunities opened wide. I am already talking with Uncle Tod about developing a youth program that would improve upon already established programs. I am really excited. I realised that I didn't want to go to New York and learn on the job. I want to know what I am doing. I don't want to waste a year of a child's education so that I can figure out how to educate them as they deserve to be.

I was looking at this program while I was in Korea but lost sight of it as time passed. I recently came back to it. Although no one will be paying for the program for me, I will be done in a year and will have experience and education. That is all I want. Columbia is also WAY cheaper to live in than New York. I have an excellent salsa club and an awesome Korean restaurant...crazy wonderful Baha'i community and an adoptive little sister...I will be very happy. PLUS, I will be close to my mom but not in her house^^

Korean Food...Y...U....Mee

Dude not only did I get to dance this weekend but I got to eat REAL Korean food. Not in New York but on Decker Blvd in Columbia South Carolina!! Man, I walked into the restaurant and knew that the food was going to be authentic. Nothing but old Korean people and they were all speaking Korean with Korean t.v. shows in the background. When the food came I almost cried it was sooooo good. I had to call Dong-Wan, Kwang-Hee and my mom. The funny thing is though that this elderly Korean man walked in...he looked like I real cool cat...and spoke English with a southern accent. It was so wild. I tell you the world just keeps getting smaller.

Groovin' and Reconnecting

Can I just say that I got my groove on last night!!!! The salsa club I went to was hoppin'. The vibe was real chill. I walked in and immediately felt at ease. Not too pretentious. Nicely decorated. I didn't feel unsafe. (I went alone.) Of course I wasn't asked to dance very often so I just asked guys to dance with me. This one guy Cordell was an awesome dancer. See sometimes you dance with guys who are more into the more ballroom style and then sometimes you meet a rare one who is more "cuban style". The moves are faster and there is alot of hip and footwork and improvisation...not choreographed improv. Basically you feed off of the energy of your partner. This guy Cordell could so this.

Then I met another guy there who couldn't dance very well but was pretty cool. I mention him because tonight I went to an interreligious observance of Martin Luther King Day and he was there. It was pretty cool too because when he found out I was a Baha'i he told me that while he was teaching English in China he worked with 4 Baha'is. Then he travelled to Israel on his way home and went to the Baha'i Holy Land. He said it was beautiful.

I got to meet up with my aunt and uncle, Allison and Tod. It was so good to catch up on things with them. It was crazy to find out that we were all looking at the same Masters program at Columbia College. It definitly has made me want to pursue it even more. We'll see.

dancing butterflies

I can barely contain myself! Tonight I get to go dancing. Man, I am actually gettting butterflies!!! I know that I have expectations. I wish I didn't but I just can't help it. I haven't gone dancing in so long!!!

I am going to take a nap then pack my things to go to Columbia.

MELT DOWN

I had a bit of a melt down tonight. I called my friend Nevin to talk it out.

I get into these "zones" where I am just living my life..doing what I have to do...rollin' along...then I get an email featuring the website of the marriage of two of my beautiful friends (female and male)...'BAM'

"DUDE! I am not married. Am I supposed to be married? I don't see me ever getting married. Is it okay to want to be married? Did I choose to be single this long? Why does it seem that marriage is the end all...like the very meaning of life is to find 'that other person'. My life isn't like that. I don't feel like that. Is this why I could be single for the rest of my life? Because I don't see marriage as the end all? That if I get married I get married...if I don't, I don't. Am I too nonchalant about the whole thing? I am hating the fact that I am even having this conversation with myself. "

I love my friends. I am happy they are married. I hate that I let 'marriage' interrupt my zone. Thanks Nevin for the chat.

Worth a Read..Major Reflection

I didn't come home expecting anything. I mean, I left America for Korea expecting nothing, and I came back expecting nothing. I have found that having no expectations helps me to feel less let down. So I wasn't expecting to see this "evolved" person that I have become. Still myself just maybe a little more "finely tempered"...to use the words of Baha'u'llah. The other thing I wasn't expecting was this heightened sensitivity to what I will call the "unspoken". You know all those words not being said or those feelings being felt? Something happened during my weekend in Conway.

About five years ago now I left an incredible group of young people. Some of them people I had known since they were babies. At the time they were somewhere between Jr high and High school. I know how much I have changed in the past few years so I wasn't expecting them to be the same when I returned. In all honesty I wasn't expecting much. Now most of them are in their first year of college and I have come home to a group of struggling young adults. I have only gotten glimpses of what some of them are dealing with through a mutual friend. I have come to realise that I am having to negotiate new forms of interaction with a few people. My mother was the first person and now these young people that I love so dearly.

Friday there was a party. I wanted to go so that I could see some people that I hadn't seen since I returned. It wasn't a Baha'i party where drinking and drugs are not present...I knew this. Well, the group of them showed up at Ody's house and the folks I wanted to see were among them. Yet, I felt this hostility or defensiveness the moment they walked through the door. A couple of them didn't want me to come...that was obvious. I talked with one of them for a little while, catching up. There was a tension in the air. Finally one of them said no that they didn't want me to come and they were out the door shortly after. I was hurt. I sat there in silence for a few minutes. I really thought about it. Why it hurt. It wasn't that they didn't want me to come. It was everything that was unsaid.

Saturday some of them showed up at Ody's again. She had called them the night before and fussed them out for how they had treated me...one of them came to apologize. They had stayed up all night and another one ended up sleeping at Ody's all day. I held no hard feelings toward them but I knew we needed to talk. I waited until later that night to begin the "re-negotiation"talk.

With the two of them I spoke about why I was hurt. It was that they assumed that I would judge them. That I knew the real reason there was a problem with me coming was because they would be doing stuff that they didn't want me to see. I knew it wasn't an age thing and they confirmed that for me during our conversation. I began to talk with them about choices. That now they were responsible for the choices that they make. I am no longer the responsible party. I was annoyed by the fact that they assumed that I had never been to a party where there was drinking and drugs...although I chose not to partake. Although when I went to parties like that I always looked out for my friends. I go dancing all the time. I haven't been to a club yet that didn't sell alcohol.

I understand that everyone has their own journey. I made good choices and bad choices. I told them that some of the choices they are making now may have concequences 5, 10, 20 years from now. One of them asked me to explain what that meant because no one had talked with them about it before. I have never been one to pretend that I don't have skeletons in my closet and I have no problem sharing them when the time is right. This was one of those particular times. I spoke to her about the consequences of both my good and bad choices...how at the age of 30 I am still dealing with some the consequences of both. I told them that they didn't need to tell what they were dealing with unless they wanted to share. That they could reach me whenever they wanted to talk and that I would come see them if they needed me to. I think I experienced to a very small degree what it must be like to be a parent...to detach yourself and hope that your children will be kind to themselves...will make good choices...to trust that they will find their way. I will be a listening, non-judgemental ear who will not shrink from saying what is needed, who will not treat them as children but as adults. The rest is up to them.

There was this nagging feeling though that stayed with me long after our talk was over. The air was cleared. The re-negotiation understood. But there was this deep feeling I could not shake and it was connected to one person. I felt physically ill with what I was sensing. I knew something was really wrong. Deeply wrong. I couldn't shake it. I called them when I finally got home and told them what I was feeling. They said that what I was feeling was right. Hopefully we will talk soon. They were busy and couldn't talk but I am worried...I cannot be pushy though.

Ahhhhh, what an interesting time I am having being home.

JUSTICE IS SERVED!!!

Well, without going into great detail, I left Korea suddenly almost two months ago because I found out that the company I was working for was operating illegally. My friend Young-Uk just IM'd me saying that the company is finally being brought down. Apparently they were treating many of their foreign teachers unfairly. They were skimming 17% to 49% off of teachers' salaries. They made 800 million won in 2004 as a result. (approx. 800,000USD) They were getting visas illegally by forging government documents. I am in shock as I find this out. My friend is IMimg me now. She is translating Korean to English to tell me what is happening. I am trying to find out if there is any way to receive back pay.

Part of the reason I left was because I found out that if I were to stay I could get into trouble but it looks like that isn't happening to the people still working for them. I am a little bummed. I really miss living there. Although it was not hard to return to the States, my heart is still in Korea. There is a part of me that wants to jump up and get on a plane back. The thing is, I could do that pretty easily so I gotta stay focused. Graduate school...have to stay focused. I am happy though that justice, in any small way, is being done.

Cuz Nevin Said So

Hey Adalia, First of all, I really liked the blogs. But I didn't see anything about being asked to be a part of this huge thing called Insights. You better make some changes homie.

I was asked a few weeks ago by a long lost aquaintance ,turned friend, to help plan a Baha'i Young Adult Conference in Maine. Now, I have been gone for awhile so I am not so plugged into things here but the word on the street is that the "Insights" conferences are pretty on point. With all these single Baha'is, young married couples Baha'is, young married couples with children Baha'is there is a need to address their needs. No longer youth and stepping into adulthood which brings with it a whole nother set of struggles and opportunities to serve, it's pretty cool that these conferences are getting off the ground. I must admit though that I did hesitate to accept the offer to serve in this way cuz I was not interested in stepping into a "singles hook up" conference. My long lost aqaintance turned friend did a pretty good job of setting me straight...nothing but serious truth seeking here. Pretty cool. So now I am a little less clueless...just getting the planning committee together.

Looking Out For a Bro/Going to Puerto Rico

Tonight at work was CRAZY!! I got off an hour late. I got home and my mom and sister were fussing me out for not calling. They were worried...wierd...no one has worried about me in awhile...it's a nice feeling. (I will call from now on.) Anyways, called up Ody. Sister got some wierd calls from some girls that we think know one of our brothers. There is this one woman he has gotten involved with that none of us think is good for him...I won't go into details but she has displayed some phycho potential...we were all thinking the calls my have come from her. My mama was ready to drive down to Atlanta and tell her to leave my brother alone...of course...if you know my family you would understand. So Ody called my brother on 3-way. It was kinda funny cuz he has two older sisters calling him making sure that he was okay, my mama making comments in the background and my younger sister yelling her two cents from the living room. Me and Ody were trying to find out how someone could have gotten her number from my brother...he had no idea so we left it alone...well not after telling him he needed to follow through on ending it. My mom is really high strung about the people we get involved with these days. I think she has seen us get hurt enough and seen enough psychos herself, that she has no patience anymore.

Well, after looking after my brother Ody asked me if I want to go to Puerto Rico. Now she brought it up while I was visiting her in Conway and I was completely down with the idea. We didn't talk about it again but she brought it up tonight. Apparently there is a price war going on between some airlines and the tickets are crazy cheap. So it looks like in a couple of weekends we'll be off to Puerto Rico for a couple of days. It will be so much fun for us to go on a trip together. We haven't done that in a long time. I will go completely crazy knowing that I have my pick of awesome salsa dancers!!!! It's ON!!!

My mom and I went to Conway over the weekend

Ody called and asked if I could come to a get together at her house and I talked my mom into coming. I am really happy she came. We meant to only stay one night but we ended up being there all weekend. Ody and I finally got to have our heart to heart talk that ended around 5 am. My mom got to have some down time while getting to be around a person we both love as a family member. Ody's children Angel and Nandi are absolutely beautiful inside and out. Ody's husband bought her a DDR game (Dance Dance Revolution ) and the night my mom and I arrived they started playing. I didn't think my mom would try it but she did and she loved it. Angel was so sweet. He was telling her how hard it could be and then when she was finished "dancing" said, "You did a good job." He is 7 years old.

My mom and I also went to a tutor's gathering for the Ruhi Study course. Man, I got to see people I had not seen in years since I left for Chicago. It was so wonderful. I can't describe the warmth, familiarity and ease of being with them. Some of them were people who have known me ,literally, all of my life and some were people that I had developed strong bonds with as a young adult. It was like being with family. It was helpful to see where things are for the Baha'i Community here as far as the study circles are concerned. I am thinking that I need to get involved in the community here in Florence to make connections with people who may be interested in the Baha'i Faith. I am going to join a Toastmasters Club and I am going to look at getting a Latin Dance group together. Just a group of people who are either interested in or actually do latin dancing...I need some folks to hang out with...I am about to go crazy in this small town. I figure that there has to be more to do than drink alcohol or go to the movies. I learned in Korea that becoming friends with people is so important. It was the first time I was surrounded with friends who weren't Baha'is and if they were or weren't interested in the Faith didn't effect those relationships. I learned a good lesson...we are all spiritual beings who need to connect to other spiritual beings regardless of religious background or otherwise. Yet, I also have an inescapble duty to let people know about the Baha'i Faith and I cannot do that if I am only interacting with Baha'is.

On Sunday we went to the devotional gathering at the Conway Baha'i Center. My heart was so happy. I haven't been in a community in a long time that includes singing as much as in Conway. The feeling of joy and fellowship was like coming home. I have greatly missed it. I must say that there is a authenticity to the people of South Carolina that sets them apart. I am honored to have grown up in such an environment.

People, a Phone, Jobs, and a Car

Man last Wendsday at work was CRAZY!!! The phones were ringing off the hook and there were patients everywhere. I ended up getting off later. It was also the day my cousins were here so getting off late was a bummer. I had so many people to call but I was also catching phone calls and trying to help the patients. I don't feel all that confident doing that yet because I really don't have enough experience to be able to tell someone who they need to see.

The cool thing is that I am more comfortable around the people I work with. I ended up leaving my phone at work. I got home before I realised it. Then Tasha called to tell me that my phone was there...that they were leaving in 5-10 minutes. I just told her to turn it off and I'd get it the next day. I didn't want them waiting for me. Then a few minutes later the phone rings again and this time it's my grandma...the one my cousins are visiting in Virginia...she asked me if I got my phone. I thought it was odd that she would be calling me. Well, apparently when Tasha went through the contacts list she saw "MOM" but it is my mother's mother...not my mother and she called my grandma asking if she was my mother. Of course my grandma was like, "I am in Virginia" and was a little confused then told Tasha that she was my grandmother. We all got a laugh out of it. It was wierd how that little incident really broke the ice with me and Tasha.

Then there is Arlene who is from Hawaii and we got to talking and she loves dancing too. So we are going to go out dancing together...real cool woman.

Then there is Phyllis, the woman who is the supervisor. I have been so impressed with her. I admire her ability to keep her cool when things are really hectic. She can actually work with me without getting impatient. I am watching her closely. I am not good at keeping my cool when too much is going on all at once. She also rides motorcycles which is something I have always wanted to do.

On Friday there was a bit of an incident in which a patient became really violent verbally and it was pretty tense. The cops were called and escorted them out. The woman that the verbal abuse was directed towards was really shaken up by it...all day. She handled herself well in the situation and it wasn't until after that she really got upset.

My mother and I were talking about me getting a second job. We both agreed that I should work as a substitute teacher so now we are looking at getting a car. As a matter of fact, I need to finish this up so that I can go to the school district office and apply.

Hanging With the Cousins

Sara and Allison drove up from Delray Beach last week and stopped by our house on their way to grandma's in Virginia. It was awesome to get to see Allison again. I definitly have to plan a trip down to Delray again. My mom suggested that I just catch the Amtrak from here...it stops in Delray. I am thinking about it. It wouldn't be too hard to get down there if I travelled that way. I met Sara for the first time and she is so cool. I really didn't get to talk to her much. I had to work and by the time I got home there were other people over. I realised after that I could have pulled her aside so we could talk..oh well. I think I'll give her a call. I have been thinking of travelling out to Colorado to see my brother and she lives there as well as her mom and dad. I am thinking it might be a good idea to go out there while I have the time now. My mother told me that she had lots of questions about the Baha'i Faith and took materials home with her to read. She told Sara that she and I should talk because I have had a different experience than herself...so another reason to call ^^. One thing that I came to realise is that I am a fairly quiet person especially when I am home. I also don't like trying to get to know people in large groups. I don't like to just talk about stuff to shoot the breeze....I am not saying that surface conversations aren't important but I loose interest if that is all I am talking about with a person. The atmosphere when I got off work was such that "deep conversations" would not be all that appropriate...but I could have pulled Sara aside...next time. It has been so nice getting to connect with family members outside of my nucleus. We are so similar in many ways and then different in others. Allison and I got to talk alot when I was in Delray Beach and I am so impressed with her. I am hoping to get to spend some time with Sara soon.

The New Job

I started my part-time job yesterday at the medical center. I must say that I did like what I saw. The most important thing to me is watching how people interact. How they work under pressure. It gets really hectic there. When I arrived phones were ringing off the hook and patients coming from every direction. I do know this, at some point last night I had a deja vu moment. I know that I am meant to be there. No question about it. I have these "flashbacks" quite often. I had them alot in Korea. In a split second I can actually remember the dream that I may have had. It is wild.

Anyway, the only thing is that at times I think people are too laid back. Not to the point that work doesn't get done but that interaction with patients becomes unprofessional. Basically, when a person acts too familiar with a person. Also, sometimes it gets really loud at the front desk and every one waiting in the waiting area can hear. It can almost sound as if people are playing around.

I was very impressed though with how people were able to keep up with the hectic pace. People also were sincere. I didn't sense any 0f that passive agressive stuff. If a person was bothered they said it. If a person snapped at someone they apologized. I guess it is the nature of the situation. When you are busy and tired then it is not unusual to loose your cool at moments. I like the fact that there seems to be an understanding about that. It feels like a family. This type of environment might be good for me.

Waking Scared

For the past two mornings I have woken up really scared. I don't know why. This used to happen before I went to Korea. Now it is happening again. I wake up feeling this overwhelming anxiety. No matter how tired I am I cannot go back to sleep either. I am not sure what the anxiety is all about. It could be a collection of things I am worried about but am not giving a voice to. I don't know. In all honesty I am not worried about much. The only thing that has been on my mind is financial stuff and I guess that could be it. I am not worried about school. I have found similar programs to the NYC program and I have a game plan in case I have to wait. I guess it is the money. I will have to think about this more. It annoys me that I am waking up like this again. It is an awful way to start the day.

Gotta Get Movin'

Today I start my job. After being out of work for over a month I have become a bit uneasy. When I left Korea, my employers didn't pay me for the month I worked so I came here with very little money. I also realised that I need to get a second job if I want to save anything. So I'll get started with this one and start looking for something else.

Today is "clean the house" day in preparation for my cousins who are coming to visit on Wendsday. I am so excited to see them. I met one of them for the first time when I returned from Korea about a month and a half ago. The second cousin I will meet for the first time this Wendsday.

I will have to write more later cuz I gotta get going to the vaccum repair shop.

No Title 3

Another day spent with my god children. I had a wonderful time. My sister and I drove to the beach to see them. The kids and I went to the ocean and they played in the sand while I watched. They truly are beautiful children. My friend's husband gave her her Ayyam-I-Ha gift early...a DDR game!! All of us took turns "dancing"...there were DDR games everywhere in Korea. The only time I tried I sucked so bad that no one would play with me. (hahahaha)

I think I will begin teaching Salsa classes here at my mom's house. I have a couple of interested people. I need an outlet so bad. I haven't really been able to go dancing since I have been here. It is driving me crazy.

Tomorrow I start working. I am so ready. I am tired of having nothing to do.

No Title 2

The room I sleep in is more of a mess now than it was this morning. Maybe because I am so tired of cleaning...I am no longer excited about getting things cleaned up. One thing I realise is that I hate small stuff. I hate it when all the big things are done and I have to figure out what to do with all the little stuff. ARGH!!!

Thanks to my friend Pierre for sending me information on another Teaching Fellows program in DC. I am going to look and see what else there is. I never tried just typing in "teaching fellows" in my internet search. I am so flighty at times. Well, just knowing that I have other options is great!!!

No title

A couple of days ago I received a box full of things I had left in Korea. One of my friends who was in Korea came to the States for the holidays and brought my stuff. It all came by UPS. I was so shocked but I liked the surprise. Now the room I sleep in is a mess so today I will rearrange it and organize everything.

I must say that although I miss Korea I do like being home.