Got the Time to Write!!

Now that I have time on my hands it seems I want to write. I have this weird thing. I don't do things like writing or watching tv when I know that I don't have the time to really pay attention. I have down time in small spurts but i choose not to do anything that would require me to focus.

This weekend is going to be a busy one with my brother, sister, the man I am building with, and friends are staying. I need to clean the house, buy food, and make beds. I am also teaching a four hour dance workshop Saturday and hosting a party Saturday night. CRAZINESS!!!

Sunday I will drive to Charlotte so that I can visit the school district office there and drop off my paperwork.

Today I figured something out that I think is really important. I want to be able to recognize when I am acting out of fear. The emotion still sneaks up on me. My friend and I were talking and he said something that pressed a sensitive button. I didn't realize at the time that this is what happened. There was a mixture of fear on my part but also wanted to make sure he was clear on a very important topic. One that would directly effect me. This was the first time in my life that I ever asked this of anyone I really care for. Although there was that assurance I needed, I also realized today that there was fear involved too. Any decisions made with even a tinge of fear are not the best decisions. I have learned this the hard way. So, it has become very important for me to be able to recognize when buttons are pushed and bring up fear. Another opportunity to grow.

Another Chapter Closes

Today is my last day of classes. I am finished with the masters program at Coastal. It has been a magical year in many ways. I have gone through amazing shifts internally spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. I have made some very special people my dear friends. I definitely know that I do not want to be a public school teacher for long. I have been disappointed with the end of the program. So few of my classes were very helpful and I am discovering at the end of it all, that it is about who you know that gets you a job. I am looking at lots of options at the moment.

Also, I have met someone and the timing could not be better. Right as I am finishing this program I get the chance to meet and build with an amazing man. It seems that all of the lessons I have learned over the past 7 years have made this relationship possible. I don't think I have done anything the same with him and I feel so healthy. I do know one thing I struggle with is trust. As I get to know him better I start trusting him more but it is a difficult process tearing down the protective walls. At one time I was very trusting and years of mistakes and hurts have made me skittish. There is something deeply beautiful when you know that you have met someone worthy of trust. It not only makes that relationship stronger but it also helps me to trust myself.

I don't know what the next year will bring. There are a few possibilities on the horizon. I will just take it one day at a time, pray, look to the future while living firmly in the present.