Then I Remember....

that my husband wakes up early during the week even though he doesn't have to, to pack my breakfast and lunch. he makes sure the hot water switch is turned on. he washes clothes and dishes. he makes sure i eat and buys groceries. he will leave at anytime of day to get something that I may want. he makes the perfect cup of tea. he doesn't complain about the hair that i leave in the bathroom. he scratched my scalp and moisturized it for me. he holds my hand when i am upset(even if it makes me uncomfortable). he keeps his cool during moments that i may loose mine. he supports me teaching dance classes. he helps me grade school work. he doesn't complain. it is in the little things that he shows me he loves me.

The Passing of Bobby Ellis

it is in small increments of time that you begin to grasp a fundamental change in your reality. there is something so sacred, so Divine, so fundamental to who you are with regard to the parent/child relationship. my father has passed away. i knew this day would come soon. he has not been well for a long time. it truly is a mercy for him. i know that he hated the decline in his quality of life and his ability to be completely independent. my relationship with my father is/was very murky. i will not go into detail but the story of distant relationships with parents is not a unique one. i made peace with my father years ago but the damage had been done to our relationship long before i could understand the implication of choices.

despite the soul wounds, he was my father. i inherited his sociability and his kindness. i learned from him the skill of cleaning while i cook. he made me unafraid to stand before crowds of people and give speeches, be the MC, read my poetry. i am mysteriously bound to him and he to me despite the long years that have passed with very little communication.

i am in the midst of those small increments of time i mentioned above. my father is dead. yes, i know people say sperm doesn't make you a father, i have said it before, but the joining of that sperm with an egg brought my soul into being. there is something sacred about this. so, although i learned long ago how to live without my father around, there is the undeniable truth that i am here and regardless of how disconnected we have been, i cannot imagine a world without one of the first two people i ever knew and loved.