foiled plans lead to changes

....i have been safely home for weeks but i just haven't had the time to really post any updates. maybe, someday, i will write at length but at the momement i have a short venting to get out.

last night i arranged a going away party for my brother. a few folks came out. people that he has felt have been significant folks in his life here in korea. things were great until i asked folks to write something down that i could compile in a book for him to take with him. everyone wrote and when everyone was finished i asked if folks could read theirs out loud. that was a bad idea. so many people said no. i am not sure if they wrote things so personal they couldn't share or they were insecure about reading what they wrote in front of others. no clue. well this rejection by most in the group was then followed with folks who didn't even want to give me what they wrote for me to arrange in a book. it was going to be my final project for my brother before he left. i was going to arrange it like a scrap book complete with colors and doodles but after all of the rejections it squashed the energy behind it.

after talking this over some with a friend i realised that folks just didn't think it was all that important and because it wasn't important to them therefore i was being silly to become upset. i sensed it in the condescending way i was treated by one person and this made me even angrier.

i think i assumed a certain level of trust and connectedness existed but it doesn't.
so i am really wondering where i want these people in my life. where they fit? i am finding that i don't really know most of them and the ones i do know weren't the least bit supportive. i won't do anything like this again. i have been so angered by the whole thing. i think from here on out, after my brother is gone, i will just focus on doing what i need to do and not so much on trying to create relationships with people here. i feel like i am done.

Shameless

..cross blogger! yeah, if you notice a bunch of posts just appeared within seconds and minutes of eachother...that was all courtesy of Cut and Paste! i do have more to say but my minutes are almost up! so are my clothes!!! (in the washing machine)

Doing Okay

after going south to Taichung i am back i Taipei and very happy!! cuz.....i got my visa number!!! tomorrow i will go to the Korean Embassy early to apply for my visa.

Taichung was really nice. warm and sunny and i enjoyed visiting with my new friend and her sons.

taipei is COLD!!! i was a bit surprised. well, now i am going to head out to a salsa club called Brown Sugar.

Laughing....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (refer to blog post "Something Ain't Right")

Exhaling

horray for my principal!!!! he went to immigration and pleaded my case. they are sending him the visa number TOMORROW!!! this is something that is supposed to take 3-21 days! so i can go home on monday or tuesday!!!!

so, now i am in taiwan. i arrived on a chilly, cloudy, rainy day. i found a youth hostel to stay at for the night. i may have to stay one more night. i finally got to the internet and found an email from the Baha'i community so i will be calling there soon so i can meet the Baha'is here. i may be able to stay with a Baha'i family and that would be wonderful!!!! i do want to meet up with this girl named Lulu, a friend of a friend. she salsa dances and i really want to try to experience dancing here.

i am sooooo breathing easy now. i don't have to go broke!!!

the Adventure is ON!

i am now at the airport on my way to Taiwan for my very unplanned vacation/visa run. at the moment i don't have anywhere to stay so i will be looking for places when i arrive. what an adventure this is turning into!!!!

Something Ain't Right

i ain't gonna lie. something isn't feelin' right. i don't know if it is intuition or nerves. but that "something ain't right feelin" is really strong.

well, just so you know i am making and emergency/ much needed trip to Taiwan. my visa expired 6 days ago and i gotta leave korea. the past few days have been hectic and full of decisions. i have no idea how long i will be there. my ticket is for 2 weeks but i hope it is not that long...i won't have a job so i will be in some major trouble financially. i am hoping it will be a week or less.

i think i am just feeling anxious. but i have had tough experiences before with logistics but i have never felt like this. in all honesty it feels like i may not make it back and i don't mean to korea...something just isn't sitting well. i will have a great laugh when i read this again and i am fine.

just in case though...just in case it is intuition and not nerves...if you are reading this and know me well...I love you. if it's only nerves i take it back! :P

"Octopus Arms"

...that is the Korean name of the kind of way i am getting to know guys these days. i think as of now there are 3 guys that i am getting to know. nothing serious obviously cuz i don't roll like that. if it were serious i'd be practically married at the moment and none of these new friends are anywhere close to that yet.

i finally stopped being scared of casually dating and now i am meeting guys for dinner and coffee and talking. it has been an interesting change for me. i thought, in the past, that this way of getting to know people was wrong or unhealthy. i am finding, maybe because of my age and experiences, that it really isn't all that different from hanging out with guys who have brother status in my life. the big difference is that there is this quality of attraction that doesn't exist with my soul brothers. i think the fact that I am so at ease with myself and my life decisions i feel comfortable getting to know a guy over tea/coffee, dinner, and dancing. i am extremely objective keeping my emotions out of it so that i can really see them.

there are two big things that i need to come to terms with alcohol and religion. none of them are Baha'is and all of them drink...i have been going back and forth on the Baha'i thing because, honestly, my experiences with Baha'i men has not been great...they were men like all other men...so i really don't see a difference. the alcohol thing i have been pretty firm on until recently...well, i still am pretty much firmly a NO, but the only guys i meet are guys who drink...not alot but they do none the less...so this is how i have come to deal with it...as friends it is cool but once he decides that he wants more then we will have to make a decision. at this point i don't want to not get to know a guy because he drinks and i am pretty up front in the beginning. cool if you want to drink now but i will not seriously date or even marry someone who does. luckily none of them drink around me.

well, i gotta meet a friend for her birthday dinner!!!

I Got Two Phone Calls

imagine my surprise when i heard a small voice on the phone when i answered. it was Cavin, one of my kindergarten students. i miss him sooo much. he wanted to know what i was doing :) then a couple of hours later another phone call, this one from Sally. she and i had a fairly long conversation with some pauses so she could think. i miss her sooo much. i am missing all of my little people. i was built to be a teacher because i end up loving my students as if they were my family and teaching makes my heart smile.

Sweet Seoul Sista

...my salsa persona...do you like it? my friend Brent came up with the nickname. this week has been sooo busy with Festival, graduation, teaching, cleaning, moving, starting a new job, meeting new people. yeah, it has been hectic. i am getting the privates i will need to make the extra cash i wanted to make. at this point, teaching two privates, i will make enough money to pay my rent and live. i can send the majority if not ALL of my salary home!!! i hope it works out all right.

i have missed so many classes in my certification course that i will have to make up the classes i missed and pay half of the cost for the two extra months i will get. ahhhhh!!! i was just too BUSY!!!

it looks like my friend Brent and I just might be able to get ourselves connected to a dance studio right here in Itaewon...where i live. this will be a great opportunity if it all comes together. we can teach dance, invite famous teachers from other countries, host parties and maybe even start a performing team!!!!

as you can see life here in Seoul, Korea just isn't slowing down! if anything it is speeding up. i don't know if i will ever leave!

i also ran into a guy who is part of a writer's guild that publishes the poetry that its members produce. i will be going to that tomorrow!!! they have open mics too!!! WOW!!! i not only get to pursue my dance teacher aspirations but also my writer aspirations!!!

yes, it's all sweet and it's all Seoul!!!