Changes

it has been so long since i last wrote. it is hard for me to keep up my blog with regularity. as so much time has passed i don't want to spend my time rehashing what hs happened over the past few months. i still am set to go to grad school in June...do the M.A.T program. i have been involved in a project here that fell through but has opened the door to other possibilities. i am planning to go to London and train with an amazing dancer there. these are my most recent life developments. i am going home to the States in March.

i am now an aunt AGAIN!! and i am feeling the need to be home for so many reasons but to be with him is one of them. i have to admit that i am lonely here. it has been a very recent thing. being with close friends isn't enough anymore. i have found myself ,yet again, interested in a guy who is unavailable and i can't understand why i stick around. i know it has so much to do with how i feel about myself and the fact that i am lonely now. it seems that it is never ending...the cycle of aloneness, loneliness. i usually have no trouble doing things by myself, i actually preferred it, but now it is getting harder and harder to be alone.

the job of changing how i think about myself is so difficult to do. that is to see myself as noble, worthy to be loved, courageous, fierce, intelligent, beautiful, sincere, authentic. to see those moments where i am strong and to try to create more of those, rather than focusing on what is painful and wrong and why. i settle all too often in my personal life, in my business affairs, in my spiritual life and maybe by seeing myself as less than, then i create this situation where i get less than i deserve...and i feel it all the time now.

thought pattern change. my thoughts are my reality. a reality change.