Lovin' the Stone Age

If I had the patience to sit here and write all kinds of creative tidbits, I would, but I don't have the patience. I don't have the time so I write all of those creative tidbits in a notebook that I have come to love. I bought a few completely by accident but it has been the best I have had so far. They are light, bendable, and thin enough to fit anywhere. I take it with me where a computer would be a pain the ass to take, camping, on the subway, riding on the bus, on a road trip. I don't have to worry about it being stolen or becoming heavy or charging a battery. I just make sure I have enough pencils and even they are easy enough to find if necessary. A friend of mine in the army once told me that writing with a pencil is easier to preserve if the paper gets wet. It is true and so now that is all I use. Not to mention that I can erase things easily too. So I guess in some ways I am not a computer convert. I love the feel of paper and pencil.

Easy Day

Ahhhh! Today is election day here and so we have the morning off. It feels so nice not to have to be anywhere until 2:30. I am feeling a bit better today. I think alot of what I am feeling is that I know that I have so much to do and there is so much I am not doing so I am really bothered.

I need to eat breakfast now and I actually have time to cook!!!!

Funk Day

Today I was not in a good mood and I am not sure why. It could be that I may have lost a friend because I belittled them. It could be because another close friend is leaving soon. It could be because I haven't slept well in days so I am constantly tired. Or it could be that I am really low on cash. Or maybe, just maybe, it could be because I am not communicating with God these days. Whatever the reason, I am in a funk.

A New Acronym-KFC

I was telling a friend of mine about the stankness that comes out of my children sometimes following lunch. They choose the moment when they are standing right beside me to let go of a SBD (Silent But Deadly). Everyday the children have kimchi with their meal and sometimes it creates gaseous fumes in their tiny bodies which they let loose when I am in class. I was telling my friend that I called this particular stankness Kimchi Fart Cloud...because it moves like a cloud through the room. In the midst of our laughter my friend said, "Yeah, K.F.C!!" The birth of a new acronym.

Stylish Bag Carriers

What do you do with that book, those papers, that calculator, must read magazine? You are on the subway, meeting friends for dinner, going to some private lesson, on your way to the movies or a meeting, what do you use to carry those things that you need to have with you? In America you pull out a backpack or a big shoulder bag...in Korea they put it all in shopping bags advertising Ralph Lauren, Hilfiger, Gucci, Bean Pole..did they actually get the bag while shopping at these ultra shi shi places...most probably are knock offs...who knows but I tell you it sure does look more stylish to carry a paper bag with the name of an expensive brand name than a backpack.

Causing Offense

Considering the fact that I am human and make mistakes I will say that offending another person is never a good thing. Regardless of the reason or nature of the situation causing offense is just not acceptable. I offended a friend yesterday and basically I was being myself...well, that part of me that is capable of being rude. If you remember I wrote a while back about my impatience and how I am easily frustrated. Well, as a rule the only people who ever had to see this particular fault...the rule has been gradually changing as I am becoming more myself. Becoming more authentic is a postitive thing but what I was not prepared for was that the negative aspects of myself would also be a part of that authenticity. It has been particularly difficult the past few months because now I am given the duty to figure out what is the root of it and how to change it. AHHH!!

I Will Be Back

An interesting chain of events happened this weekend. I haven't posted anything for a few days and I have been meaning to. I will get some posts up tonight...most definitly. I really offended a friend this weekend, had an awesome dance class, went to a fabulous devotional meeting, and came up with a new acronym thanks to Seung-woo. I will report on them all when I return home!!!

Thoughts

I have woken up this morning with a sense that time is truly precious. The way I choose to spend it reflects my happiness or unhappiness. I was waking up for the past few days feeling a forboding and a little sick to my stomach...this usually happens when something is wrong. I opened my email to find out that 54 Baha'is, youth to be exact, were arrested in Iran while they were doing a humanitarian service connected with UNICEF. This was on May 19th.

I am becoming more and more "aware" these days. It is imperative that I try to acquire the disciplin to pray and read the Writings. I am feeling it.

54 Baha'i Youth Arrested in Iran

NEW YORK, 24 May 2006 (BWNS) -- Iranian officials have arrested 54
Baha'is in the city of Shiraz, the Baha'i International Community has
learned. They are mostly youth and were all engaged in humanitarian
service when they were arrested. It is one of the largest number of
Baha'is taken at once since the 1980s. The specific charges are not
clear, though in the past, Baha'is have been arrested summarily on false
charges.

More at:

http://news.bahai.org/story.cfm?storyid=450

The Best Teacher's Day Gift

You know sometimes when we put alot of work into something and it is a little different from what other folks may be doing you want some indication that you are doing the right thing. Last week was Teacher's Day. The day that students give gifts to their teachers. I didn't receive many. Not nearly as much as my colleagues. I felt really bad because I thought that this was a way that the parents show that they think you are a good teacher. Maybe I wasn't.

From the beginning, with my kindergarten class I was very strict. I really worked hard on them being polite and respectful. Learning when it is okay to play and when it is time to work. It has been hard because I don't want to be mean but I also don't want my students to think it is a free for all. Well it seems that the hard work is paying off. I am seeing tremendous improvements in my students' behaviour as well as their characters. We have to write in these journals for their parents once a week. One mother wrote back to me saying that she didn't know that her son worked hard to learn in class and that now she and her husband will see him as capable of much more. That made so happy. His behaviour at home has also improved it seems and I had no idea. I am seeing first hand that if a teacher sees their students, sees them as already the giants that they are, then the students will rise to the occasion. It was the best teacher's day gift I could have ever gotten.

May 20th Weekend

I have to leave for work soon. This past weekend was crazy (i am eating and typing so no punctuation if I have to use my left hand..it's holding my bowl of Frosted Flakes) the staff from work went into the country side and stayed in what is called a pension. basically a condo. good food, nice atmosphere, folks got really drunk so me and my brother sat back and had comedy hour...then my busy day yesterday...sunday...was freed up so i got to relax a bit

my brother just knocked on my door to see I am ready to go to work and I am. I do have more profound things to write about but gotta go!

Thanks Myk

Thanks Myk for the heads up on the LGI situation. I had no idea about any of it. I tried getting to the Administrative website to see job listings and couldn't. I called my mom and she sent me the RBC's contact email. As I said, I had a dream...I wasn't told everything :) Thanks again.

Getting Antsy

I realised this morning that most of my girlfriends will be gone within the next month. I am a little sad about this. That is part of living in a country like Korea, doing the kind of job I am doing. Everything is in a state of transition...emotionally, spiritually, socially...like I know that right now I have so much to do before I leave but I can't wait to get back to the States and get the rest of my life started.

I feel like I acheived the reason I came here. I was able to introduce the Faith to one person and that person became a Baha'i...instantly involved in the devotional gatherings and study circles. He is becoming more and more deepened..his love for God is undeniable as well as the fact that he is completely enamored with Baha'u'llah. He has been teaching the Faith to his family, which within themselves they have transformed, and now his sister is coming to devotions and is interested in study circles.

I guess if I could just see that staying here until February will mean that I can come home with savings, which will help me to serve better anyway. At least this time I am ready to leave. I can see that possibilities and they are exciting to say the least.

Dreams with a Point

I just had a dream that is the first one in a long time that seems to have been pointing me in some direction. I woke up knowing that I had to contact Louis Gregory Baha'i Institute to see if they had any positions available in their education programs. It would be perfect! I could do my Masters and serve the Baha'i community as well as the greater community. That would be a dream come true!!!

Looking a Paths

I am in the process of writing a revised version of a choreopoem I have been working on for almost 10 years now. It has undergone a big change...basically I am starting from scratch. I think I will create another blog just for writing it. Yeah, that's a good idea.

I have been in touch with both grad schools I want to go to and got back nice responses. I am thinking I will do a MEd at Columbia College in South Carolina then carry myself back to Chicago and do a Masters in Dance Movement Therapy. My mother suggested this years ago and now I think I am ready. I was given a really incredible job offer here but it would require me to stay longer and I don't want to put off getting my Masters another year. I have been in touch with the grad school in South Carolina to see if they offer the course by distance. She said there was nothing in place at the moment but that it was a concept folks have been talking about recently. We'll see how it goes. If I can do it distance than I will stay here in Korea and work at this incredible job and go back to Chicago when I am finished for the next Masters course.

Well, as for the present, I have to get ready for work!!

Morning Ramble

BEAUTIFUL DAYS!!!! Yes, sunny, warm, lovely days. It has been a wonderful past few days. Even the all day downpour on Saturday was cool cuz it was perfect for the perfect brunch, cleaned the air, and everything has been clear since. Yeah, crazy weekend. Dinners, brunch, parties, dancing, study circle, dance class...how can a person pack so much into a three day weekend? Well, I did and woke up yesterday feeling it :)

Anywho, thanks Jarrett for the comment on my "not eating" dilemma. It is nice to know I am not the only person who doesn't eat like they should. I am not sure that I am bored with eating more than I can't be bothered making something. I have gotten into the habit of eating out. It started years ago with my first real job and when I had a car. Now I am in Korea where being single and eating out makes sense...cost, preparation time, being too busy to make food before it dies...then again alot of the food I like to eat here I don't know how to make and I assure you, the Koreans make it much better. So when I get home too late to order food and am not interested in the restaurant down the street, pork kalbi...you have your own grill and cook the meat...I starve cuz I don't feel like cooking. I just gotta go grocery shopping so I can buy stuff that cooks up easy. Go grocery shopping...Go grocery shopping..my mantra for the next couple of days :)

I am starting to have my "pressure" dreams again. They are more specific these days. I wake up feeling like I am being held back from something...like I am not stepping up to someplace...spiritually and I am the one holding me back. Thoughts, fears, the past...yeah my mother answered this ongoing question, "where is it coming from" by asking, "are you praying and reading the Writings?" hmmmmm, pattern emerges. connectivity to the world psyche/situation, confused without spiritual nourishment/guidance...yeah, pretty cool mama.

I am learning that alot of the things we deal with as human beings is not all that deep and traumatic. If one can seperate the emotions from it things become simpler and clearer. The constant recording in one's mind of the "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts"..."I should feel this"/" I shouldn't feel that"...add on guilt and you got yourself all knotted up. The fact is that things "just are" sometimes. That is the essence of detachment..."I feel like this. It doesn't feel good. Why?Oh, that's why. Okay, how to change?That's how. Change." Acknowledgement.Assement.Action. Yeah, it looks simple and it is once you get the hang of it and let go of attachment to feeling like crap all the time. The big thing I have learned is that detachment doesn't mean ignoring something. You can only become detached once you acknowledge it and make a concerted effort to replace it with something more positive or healthy. The negative feeling or habit is there for a reason. It may have filled a purpose at one time and some purposes don't change, just the way we get what we need may change. When you leave yourself with "holes" you hinder yourself from becoming "whole".

Dream Analysis

Okay, this is my take on the dream I had a couple of days ago. I think the guy is a representation of all the things that I think, or carry in my heart, that keeps me feeling trapped. The fears I have to do the things I feel pulled toward. I keep stalling going to grad school. I am now 31 and am looking back on my life and feeling lost opportunities to explore dancing more. Now moving is more difficult because I haven't paid enough attention to my body and being flexible. Why I haven't paid enough attention to my body, that's a question I am trying to answer. It's at the core of what the dream represents for me. Why don't I eat when I am hungry? Why do I stay awake when I am really sleepy? Why do I spend so much money? Why haven't I gone grocery shopping in months? Why do I not take the time to cook for myself? I care so little for myself physically...or I am so unaware of myself physically. Like right now I am really hungry and I don't know what to cook because I don't have much here because I haven't gone grocery shopping in months. I will eat now.

Disturbing Dream

I just woke up from a most distrubing dream. I feel really icky inside. I was somehow lured and trapped inside the home of a very sick man that only I could see. He had one of my friends too and killed her. He was so evil but he looked really nice. He locked me in a room at some point and I knew I had to get out or sooner or later he would killme too. There was a window with a screen. The man was playimg music really loud. There was someone in the apartment next to his. I asked him to call the police numerous times but he just thought I was crazy because he had never seen anyone next door. He got up and I hoped he was calling the cops. Then my sister, one of my brothers and a friend arrive. They had no clue that this guy was evil and I don't know what they were doing there. He had to unlock the door to the room. We all sat down and they started talking. They could see him. When they decided to leave, I left with them. I tried to not run. I kept close to them so he couldn't grab me. I almost forgot something and went back for a second and was afraid he would close the door but he didn't. When we got out of his place I flew down the stairs thinking the whole way that I had to move so he wouldn't find me. As we were walking I kept lookingback to see if he followed but he didn't. My siblings and friends didn't understand or know what was happening and I was so scared. That is how I woke up.

Sandwich Time

I am sitting here-hungry, thinking I need to make something to eat but am too lazy to actually cook. I have been sitting hungry for at least 3 and a half hours. I think it is time to make a sandwich.

Yeah...and there is a school picnic tomorrow!!!

Lovely Technology!

I have been loving the fact that I can now download music. I paid for it too!! This makes me even happier. I am finding music, songs that I have loved for so long and can just play them now. I want to stay awake all night and just listen to my music and write. This is what I used to do when I was younger...maybe 10 years ago now. I remember those times when I felt completely happy with a blank page and music. Actually, I am back there now but with new technology and I am a wiser woman. I have had this MP3 player for like 6 months or so now and haven't used it yet. My friend Seung-woo figured out some stuff for me but I still have yet to download any music on it. It is time to now. There is music that I really want to listen to all day...when I am in coffee shops writing...ahhh, my heart jumps at the thought!!! Yeah, I am going to be up late.