Morning Ramble

BEAUTIFUL DAYS!!!! Yes, sunny, warm, lovely days. It has been a wonderful past few days. Even the all day downpour on Saturday was cool cuz it was perfect for the perfect brunch, cleaned the air, and everything has been clear since. Yeah, crazy weekend. Dinners, brunch, parties, dancing, study circle, dance class...how can a person pack so much into a three day weekend? Well, I did and woke up yesterday feeling it :)

Anywho, thanks Jarrett for the comment on my "not eating" dilemma. It is nice to know I am not the only person who doesn't eat like they should. I am not sure that I am bored with eating more than I can't be bothered making something. I have gotten into the habit of eating out. It started years ago with my first real job and when I had a car. Now I am in Korea where being single and eating out makes sense...cost, preparation time, being too busy to make food before it dies...then again alot of the food I like to eat here I don't know how to make and I assure you, the Koreans make it much better. So when I get home too late to order food and am not interested in the restaurant down the street, pork kalbi...you have your own grill and cook the meat...I starve cuz I don't feel like cooking. I just gotta go grocery shopping so I can buy stuff that cooks up easy. Go grocery shopping...Go grocery shopping..my mantra for the next couple of days :)

I am starting to have my "pressure" dreams again. They are more specific these days. I wake up feeling like I am being held back from something...like I am not stepping up to someplace...spiritually and I am the one holding me back. Thoughts, fears, the past...yeah my mother answered this ongoing question, "where is it coming from" by asking, "are you praying and reading the Writings?" hmmmmm, pattern emerges. connectivity to the world psyche/situation, confused without spiritual nourishment/guidance...yeah, pretty cool mama.

I am learning that alot of the things we deal with as human beings is not all that deep and traumatic. If one can seperate the emotions from it things become simpler and clearer. The constant recording in one's mind of the "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts"..."I should feel this"/" I shouldn't feel that"...add on guilt and you got yourself all knotted up. The fact is that things "just are" sometimes. That is the essence of detachment..."I feel like this. It doesn't feel good. Why?Oh, that's why. Okay, how to change?That's how. Change." Acknowledgement.Assement.Action. Yeah, it looks simple and it is once you get the hang of it and let go of attachment to feeling like crap all the time. The big thing I have learned is that detachment doesn't mean ignoring something. You can only become detached once you acknowledge it and make a concerted effort to replace it with something more positive or healthy. The negative feeling or habit is there for a reason. It may have filled a purpose at one time and some purposes don't change, just the way we get what we need may change. When you leave yourself with "holes" you hinder yourself from becoming "whole".