Preparation to Go Back Stateside

Okay, now I don't know what is up but this convergence of people who I have been out of touch with, now getting in touch. It is CRAZY!!!

Okay, here is the list.

I was recently in touch with an ex which was fruitful in that is helped to complete the healing process. YEAH!

My best friend from college, who I originally planned to come to Korea with but didn't, is back in Korea. We reconnected on my birthday. This was incredible because I found out she is my soul's twin and as usual, we have a very deep connection. She also has me all ready to go to Prague to take a CELTA certification course offered by Cambridge University. Um, yeah, so I will be in Prague for a month before getting back to the States.

Then, an ex from maybe 8 years ago, got in contact with me out of the blue! He says to me that I was the one person who helped him the most on his path towards wisdom and that he misses our friendship! Ummmm, WOW!

Then last but not least, another dear friend, Larry Church, contacted me suddenly with simply, "This is Larry Church. Where in the world are you?!" We have yet to talk but I am looking forward to lots of laughter!

All this happened within the last week or two. I am very sensitive to timing and how events connect with what is happening in my life at the time. At this time of transitions -spiritual, emotional and physical- being in contact with all of these people who played significant roles in my life is important. It seems that all of the loose ends are being tied off and I am being reconnected with those who are my soul's consorts. It's as if I am being prepared for my return to the States.

See Me Beautiful

See me beautiful
Look for the best in me
It's what I really am
And all I want to be
It may take some time
It may be hard to find
But see me beautiful
See me beautiful
Each and everyday
Could you take the chance
Could you find a way
To see me shining through
In everything I do
And see me beautiful.
~Red Grammer-"Teaching Peace"

About three weeks ago this song started going through my mind. Anytime I thought about my children this song would play in my mind. I had heard it when I was a child and had not thought of it for a long time. So, when I was standing in my classroom and began singing it to myself and watching my students, I knew I needed to teach it to them. So I wrote the first stanza on the board and sang it for them. They were so quiet. I saw right away that all of them were touched by the words which was what I wanted to see. So I began to teach them the song. They went on to sing it to themselves under their breath as the afternoon went on. We had a short discussion about its meaning. We talked about our class and how some children didn't get along. We talked about how everyone had something special and that the beauty the song is about isn't on the outside but the inside. This seemed to resonate with them and that was when I decided it was time to order the CD.

Well, the CD arrived today. I opened it and played some of the other songs first and they instantly liked it. Max, my grandfather student, said to me, "Ms. Adalia I like this music." He said this more than once. I am happy that I set aside a special moment just for this song. I started by writing the words on the board again and singing it with them. Then I told them that the song was on our new CD. I wish you could have seen their faces when they heard the deep, rich sounding cello and then Red Grammer singing softly. Some of them laughed at first but a reverance came over the room. They seemed to know that the song was for them. It was about them.

Let me tell you, there is no sweeter sound than that of a child's voice singing. Even after the CD was turned off and we started getting ready to go home, some of them continued to sing. The atmosphere changed. I think they began to see each other in a different way. And it was a reminder to me as a teacher that all children just want to feel loved and seen. Oprah once quoted something that Toni Morrison told her. "Children look to see if your eyes light up when they walk into a room."

So now, when I hear them singing I hold back tears because they are beautiful and I get to remind them.

See me beautiful
Look for the best in me
It's what I really am
And all I want to be
It may take some time
It may be hard to find
But see me beautiful
See me beautiful
Each and everyday
Could you take the chance
Could you find a way
To see me shining through
In everything I do
And see me beautiful.
~Red Grammer

Some Thinking Time

The past few days have seen am incredible shift inside of myself. One realisation is that I continue to make myself the "victim" and over analyze things. I spoke with my mother about how I was feeling about the ex and with her unfettered clarity, she took me out of my transitory emotions and into the core of what I was reacting to. It had nothing to do with him. Ahhhhh, the psychology of projection!!! It was so helpful for me and once again I have learned another lesson. I have peeled back another layer.

This past weekend was nothing less then a re-introduction to my soul. The things I was ignoring. The intense love that I feel. I feel like I am really moving into another stage. Another plane of expectations and possibilities. I have been blessed with so much. I am coming to a new conciousness!!! It is lovely!

Misinterpreted Dream

Years ago now, maybe six years, I had a dream. In this dream a great wall was before me. Two friends of mine were giving me a test. The answer to every question was his name. The writing all over the wall was his name.

I awoke from this dream overwhelmed. I had gone to bed wondering if I should continue being involved with him. I remember thinking that maybe it is best that we were friends and nothing more. I woke up from this dream thinking, "He is the person I am to spend the rest of my life with!"

A year and a traumatic break up later, I realized the true meaning of that dream. That I was to spend the rest of my life trying to heal the wounds...that my choice to stay involved with him brought into my life the greatest consequences and my biggest test. Just when I think I am all good something surfaces and I have to dig deeper to get rid of the hurt. It seems never-ending.