The Passing of Bobby Ellis

it is in small increments of time that you begin to grasp a fundamental change in your reality. there is something so sacred, so Divine, so fundamental to who you are with regard to the parent/child relationship. my father has passed away. i knew this day would come soon. he has not been well for a long time. it truly is a mercy for him. i know that he hated the decline in his quality of life and his ability to be completely independent. my relationship with my father is/was very murky. i will not go into detail but the story of distant relationships with parents is not a unique one. i made peace with my father years ago but the damage had been done to our relationship long before i could understand the implication of choices.

despite the soul wounds, he was my father. i inherited his sociability and his kindness. i learned from him the skill of cleaning while i cook. he made me unafraid to stand before crowds of people and give speeches, be the MC, read my poetry. i am mysteriously bound to him and he to me despite the long years that have passed with very little communication.

i am in the midst of those small increments of time i mentioned above. my father is dead. yes, i know people say sperm doesn't make you a father, i have said it before, but the joining of that sperm with an egg brought my soul into being. there is something sacred about this. so, although i learned long ago how to live without my father around, there is the undeniable truth that i am here and regardless of how disconnected we have been, i cannot imagine a world without one of the first two people i ever knew and loved.