I am Getting Sick

these wacky changes in the weather are making lots of people sick..now it looks like i am following the crowd. i am about to go to sleep though so i am hoping that rest is going to help.

i had a BIG discovery today. the childhood memory really opened the door to the real issue and i am trying to get my head around it. i felt invisible as a child so i would create opportunities for me to be "seen" and in my head i created an idea of who i was that was not connected to reality. i think i have done that often, created a woman in my mind that is unrealistic and based not on who i really am but an idea. this idea is very connected to the ego and perceived ideas from a human perspective of what it means to be seen or loved. when these human perceptions fall short of reality it is as if i am suddenly pulled out of a dream...a bubble. it is time to stop living in that bubble.

it was very helpful for me to pinpoint the specific components of what i am needing to deconstruct and now i can attach these components to a "figure" that i can also deconstruct.