Some Place to Go

inside where everything starts. in my heart and soul where i accepted a truth that allowed me to make sense of an insecure world. i took in so much negativity and made it part of me now i have to descontruct it. at the core of me i feel i am not meant to be loved, that i am not worthy of being loved or protected, i am always going to be alone both physically and emotionally, and i am not enough as i am. this last involvement really brought this truth to the forefront. i want so badly to believe that what i held to be true for so long is not true...i long to meet someone to discredit it. the only problem is that this is something i need to change myself. another person cannot do this for me. i see now what i have failed to see until now. it is time for me to change the core belief i have had of myself.

to do this required me to separate from the guy i was becoming friends with. i saw my past behavior coming through and i loved him. i really did...i still do and i so miss him. i am hoping that by taking care of myself i can be better for him and become a more centered person. i can love myself. i hope that by doing this i haven't ruined the possibility of reconnecting later.

there have been so many fears. so many mental tests. i am excited to get this worked out so that i will be centered and at peace finally. i can be adalia.