A God Moment

I drove to Ocean Blvd and 48th Ave North and parked in a public access area. I sat there for a minute trying to calm the tears that had been rolling down my face for nearly an hour. My heart and my soul feeling sick and my head was swimming. The conversation with my sister helped somewhat but still I found myself ill at ease. I listened to the waves crash onto the shore and I knew I needed to go and be near the ocean's vastness.

I walked the sandy path between dunes covered in Cat's Tails and onto the beach. I felt my insides begin to stretch out, unrolling from the tight ball of anxiety.

I walked, trying to find a spot that would suit me for sitting and watching the waves. The sun was setting. A beautiful pinkish orange glow. Colors danced on the water's surface. I was surrounded by beauty but all I could say to God was, " I am not connected. I feel disconnected. I am scared and I don't know what to do. How do I reconnect? How?" I sat with my head down not looking at the beauty around me and tears started to fall again.

I recited quietly one of the most powerful prayers in the Baha'i Writings, the Tablet of Ahmad. My heart so perturbed needed some soothing. When I was finished I began to say the prayer for the Remover of Difficulties. As I was sitting on the sand, praying with my head down I could sense a vehicle approaching. It drove past me then came back. I kept praying. It drove around me and began a slow creep when I finally looked up. It was a beach patrol officer. I was surprised. Maybe there was a time to leave the beach that I wasn't aware of.

"Are you okay?" he asks and of course I say, "Yes" with tears in my eyes. "Well when I see a woman alone on the beach with her head down and the sun is setting I know something is wrong." He asks me two more times, "Are you sure you will be alright?" and I said yes again. He began to drive off then stopped the truck asking,"Does it have something to do with a boyfriend?" I had to smile. "Yes, you could say that." He gets out of the truck and says, "Do you want to talk about it?"

I looked out over the ocean for a moment before saying, "I met this amazing guy. But we are in two different places in life. The timing is off. We are friends but I made some poor choices. And I have this deep sense of integrity that gets thrown off when I make poor choices. I am worried that maybe the friendship will be messed up."

The beach patrol officer smiled, "I know what you are talking about. I think God wants you to learn something from this. You are human. You are searching for love. We are all searching for love in some way. We have relatives and family but we are all wanting that deeper companionship and love."

I needed to hear that. Something plain. Something simple. Something not judgmental or condescending. I needed to hear what he said.

"Did you go to Coastal like maybe 10 or 11 years ago? Are you part of the Baha'i Church?" he asked and at that moment I recognized him. This was a man that I had met my senior year in college. We had had great conversations. "I am Greg Urbine" and when he said his name, I knew that this particular encounter was not by accident. "Yes, I recognize you. My name is Adalia"

"I still have the book you gave me about the Baha'i Faith. I did actually read it," he said as I listened in amazement.

We talked for a few more moments before he had to leave to take care of a call. As he got back into his truck he wished me the best and drove off. I sat there in stunned silence and watched his headlights as they moved further down the beach. By now the sun was almost completely set and the sky was turning into darkness. In that moment I decided to let the chips fall as they may. The knot of anxiety and saddness began to loosen. I was reminded of my humanness and the universality of the search for love. I was reminded that the "How" to reconnect was simply to be a Baha'i. To live a Baha'i life was the answer. I began to cry this time because I know a God moment when I get one.