Unfolding Future

over this Chu'seok holiday a few things have occurred in my small world. i came across my muse...Jehro....i cannot help but to write and see movement in my mind when i listen to him. he has become my inspiration for searching for my own voice. my own way of expressing myself through dance, as a teacher, as a writer. his song "All I Want" has been playing since yesterday. i can't help but to listen over and over and over again because he seems to be speaking to this journey i have been on. my favorite lines are " I know, finally, I have never been alone. I just couldn't see."

a very import thing i also realized is that for most of my life i have been looking outside of myself for fulfillment artistically and in love. today i realized that everything i need artistically is inside me already, i only need to find my own voice and then set to perfecting it. in doing so i also discover love. my fears of being alone forever seemed to have this hold on me and i didn't see it for so long. i didn't really pursue what my heart wanted because it would take me so far off the beaten path. my greatest unhappiness is an unfulfilled life and i know this now. somewhere, somehow, i learned that to have a fulfilled life meant that someone had to be sharing it with me. i also know that what ever path this is i am traveling, it is different and the only way i would be happy in a union is if i am already fulfilled. love will find me on this path. i just have to be true to my heart so i can see another's.

a life decision that i came to is that i will return to Coastal Carolina University and get my MAT. it is a 14 month course Masters in Teaching with teacher certification. achieving this will open many doors for me in my career. my plan, a this point, is after i am finished, is to work as a teacher overseas again in places where a teacher's salary is quite lucrative and where i can study dance...even teach dance. i am not sure how long i will be doing this. it just feels like a natural progression.

i have no idea where all of this is heading but i do know that i am not afraid. things are falling into place, making it obvious that the way i am going is definitely my way. i am feeling the same confirmation and peace i felt when i first came to Korea 5 years ago. my life has taken so many turns since then. so many dreams i didn't know i had or were even mine were fulfilled here. having had such an experience how can i be afraid or doubt?