becoming beautiful

over the past couple of days people have observed a change in me. a new energy. "you are radiating energy." change in me physically. "you were pretty before. now you are becoming beautiful."

i know when i went home it was time. i knew that it was important for me to finally release so much stuff that i had been holding inside. i had done so much work that the dust left over needed to be cleaned off. korea being the place where i did the greatest amount of work was not the place to finally be rid of the baggage. home was it. i did nothing special when i was home but be with people i needed to be with. some people i did not get to see but those i did made all the difference.

i am back in korea feeling much lighter and clearer. i feel like i have recaptured some of that energy i had that is just part of who i am. i must say that the one phrase that keeps going around in my head is, "i have stepped into my woman self." you know a guy can be attractive or unattractive but regardless of his physical appearance, you can tell when he is in his man skin and the boy is gone, he is beautiful. not everyone gets to that place. it is really difficult and it happens without you knowing it at times. it all has to do with the choices one makes about how to handle what life brings to them. eventually you stop blaming others and God for where you find yourself if it is less than you expected. choice is a Divine quality given to human beings. once i came to realize this i understood that as an adult, regardless of how a person treats me or a situation unfolds, my choices play a big role in what i let into my life. one can choose to make this a burden or a point of empowerment.

when i was younger i didn't think that i had a choice. on a fundamental level i didn't think i did. this sense of powerlessness, that i was unaware of, requires that someone or something holds the power. you let them make the choices, you follow, and when you find yourself hurt beyond repair you have someone to blame. i know that this giving over of power came from events in my childhood and it was learned before i had the ability to truly understand. yet, this is the wonder of the stages of human growth and maturing. one can achieve a level of justice and peace as an adult for their child self by using their Divine right to make choices that protect their soul.
now i am very clear with people and i am finding that it is becoming easier for me to speak the truth.

so, becoming beautiful is a lifelong process and beauty truly is something that has to be from the inside out not the outside in. it has more to do with your inner sense of self and purpose. hard work. hard work and self examination and healing.