Family Adjustment

Today we celebrate my brother's 29th birthday. Incredible isn't it? How time passes. I think I have spent the majority of my life...especially my developing years...seperate from my family. I have lived a life that none of them have really shared in. This is true for most of us I think. I feel that I have become maybe too comfortable with being alone...living alone.

Anyway, my brother is here and it has been strange. I don't feel that strong brother/sister bond. I don't go out of my way to spend time with him and I am hesitant to really include him in my life..not necessarily in what I am doing but actually sharing of myself...my problems or just to talk. I think part of it is the attitude in my family that what is yours is also theirs...like I want to cut up some vegetables and I find my knife is missing...he has it. I want to get something to drink and I find that my cups are missing..he has them. You can't say "yes" one time because it is always "yes" from then on. I think I am understanding what my mother was feeling when I came home for an extended time last year. She is so used to her things...cars, movies, house...being taken over by her children. I had to reallly get it into her head that I didn't want to use anything that she wasn't comfortable letting me use. I had to tell her to tell me "No".

I am realizing now that maybe I just need to be more clear about my boundaries because I have them but they haven't been articulated, even for me. I grew up without many boundaries so it is hard for me to admit to them, recognize them, and to maintain them. That's the key.