In the weeks that have passed I have seen two people marry. One I don't know well and another who is like a sister to me. I travelled to Boston where I stayed with friends of mine who are married and now expecting an addition to their young family..."we are awaiting your arrival Button".
I have learned that I have developed a negative view of the world and myself in it. I have come to mistake cynicism for being "real". This has played a big part in my relationships with men..how I give power over to them to judge my worth or whether I deserve to be loved or not. This is what happens in my mind without me realizing it. I am hoping that as I learn to pray and ask for guidance I will be able to perceive how to overcome this. I want to change. I want to be at peace. I want to understand. I want to love.