Learning to Trust

I had two interesting phone conversations this morning. The first being with Mike the other with my father. Both "spoke" to my continual process toward trusting myself.

I misunderstood the tone and meaning in Mike's voice...thinking that he was somehow upset with me. I called back and got his voice mail. I left a message to the effect that he shouldn't stop talking to me. Well, maybe 30 minutes later he called back putting me in my place. His mood had nothing to do with me and that I should know by now that he would talk with me if it had had anything to do with me. That I need to stop taking things so personally. He had other things on his mind, things that I couldn't help him with, that somethings he preferred handling on his own. And by the way, he was in the shower when I called.

Then I called my father back after our conversation last week. I learned something very interesting...some of it I already knew. He doesn't see that he as a parent had anything to do with how we were shaped as children. He said that sometimes things happen that you can't change and that you don't let them rule your life. He sees what happened in the past as just that, in the past, having no effect on the present. That the choices he made ended up effecting him but he doesn't see how those choices would effect any of us. Of course this is what I got out of it and this is in no way a verbatum account of our conversation. I am thinking now is the time to write a letter.

This whole trusting process is difficult but I think it is necessary so that I can be at peace with myself.