3 Months In

I have now been home a little over 3 months and it has been really nice to be back stateside. A BIG gift we got, my husband and I , is that I became pregnant pretty much right after I got back. So for basically the entire time I have been back I have been pregnant!!! This has been a long awaited life transition for me. I began preparing in my late 20's to work on excavating those things in me that I have inherited and have developed in answer to some of life's difficulties. The one event that catapulted me into self work was the end of a particularly traumatizing relationship and a book I was reading at the time, "The Drama of the Gifted Child", a small but powerfully unapologetic book that revolves around people overcoming childhood traumas so as not to pass on the outcome of these experiences to your own children. I read it like a dehydrated soul that has been lost in an endless waterless desert. I keep a copy to this day and plan to revisit it in the days to come.

It has been a blessedly easy pregnancy on the part of my little person and my body. It has been a struggle personally as far as changing my habits to help my body sustain the hard work of developing a person. I have never been a water drinker and it is a concerted effort to push through bottles of water. I have always considered myself to be a healthy eater, especially in recent years but I am not eating enough. I have been a very active person but I am finding myself lying around a lot which is not helpful for my physical strength especially when the time comes for delivery. I do not have a habit of taking vitamins so it has been a major job to remember to take all the nutrients I need to. I went from nothing to 3 to 4 different pills a day.  Then I am not talking to the soul in me everyday and sometimes I am not conscious that I am actually pregnant. All of these things combine to make me feel at times that I am already not being a good mother.