Kids Need Second Glances

Yesterday, I walked into class after leaving for a moment during playtime. When I returned Julie had tears in her eyes and Erin, the gentlest, most nurturing child in class, says that Ben hit her.

There was Ben, standing on the mat looking guilty but would not budge when I called him over to talk with him. This was the second day in a row that a student complained about Ben hitting them. I noticed it was girls that he
was being violent with most often. Now, Ben is a very bright, helpful, attentive, usually obedient student so I was a bit shocked by his behaviour. I knew it was contrary to his character for him to be behaving this way.

Yet, the fact that he refused to come over so I could talk to him, that two girls were upset and this was the second day in a row he had hurt someone, I was not willing to let it go. I asked my Korean counterpart, Sabine, to come and talk with him. She told me that she had talked to his mom. Apparently, Ben made "gifts" for everyone, which were balled up pieces of paper..looked alot like trash..I think everyone thought they were trash because they threw the paper away...ahhh, the innocence and sensitivity of children. Well this hurt his feelings, this is the story his mother told Sabine.

When we got to class, Lisa Kim, another Korean teacher, was talking to Ben and Julie. Sabine took Ben into an empty room to talk to him. At first he refused to go with her but with some coaxing, he went.

Of course, Erin was very concerned if Ben was okay and she kept asking, "Is Ben okay?", "Ben is sad." Luckily, the business with Ben wasn't disruptive enough that the rest of the kids were distracted from playing.

While Sabine talked to Ben, I told the rest of the class that Ben was sad and that he was making a gift to give everyone and that they should recieve it kindly and say, "Thank you." They all nodded in understanding.

Right as I was telling the class it was time to clean up, Sabine returned with Ben and she pulled me aside and told me the history..there always is one...I have to remember this.

He is beginning to really like girls. He especially likes Julie...but Julie doesn't like him. When he gave everyone the balled up paper and Julie threw hers away he was really hurt. Sabine said that when she first started talking to him he wouldn't respond. Then she said, "You made paper balls and everyone threw them away?"...his face started to get red..."And Julie threw hers away too?"...and he started crying. Poor thing. It seems that the only way he knew to deal with being hurt was to become physical.

This was yesterday....

Today he brought these really nice paper folded boxes in different colors to give to everyone. His classmates made good on their promise to be kind. They were excited and crowded around him and were smiling and happy. More than I coud have ever dreamt of. And the look on Ben's face, pure happiness.

With a class full of students that I am trying to get to know, both as learners and personality types, this week has been difficult. This was the first full week of classes and the first weeks are the most critical to the success of the year. I am learning so many lessons. I must say that I am a bit stressed. My back and shoulders hurt alot. They are all good kids. I just have to make sure to not jump to conclusions but take second glances.