The Shadow

For years I woke up with it. A dark forboding cloud over my mind. I always thought that it was because I was in debt and not paying my bills...you know that feeling of guilt for not taking care of a responsibility. I thought it was because I wasn't spiritually disciplined. I thought it was ghosts from my past. I am not so sure about these reasons anymore. I am actively trying to correct my debt situation. I am on a "Developing Spiritual Discipline" program, my own words, and have been pretty successful so far...it is becoming a habit. I have pretty much scared off all of my ghosts with the help of numerous therapists and a dogged desire to be done with the past.

So I don't understand this Shadow. What is it that I am worried about that I don't know that I am worried about? Is it Seung-woo? Is it my intuition telling me that he isn't the "one" and we shouldn't be dating? Is it that I "know" that something is going to happen? Is it that a huge test is on the horizon? Is it "that time of the month?"

The Shadow started out faintly. I could sense it weeks ago. I has become stronger and much more obvious now. I don't know what it is and that concerns me.