Learning to Be Patient

I did get that journal the next day. I have been writing in a different way this time. Usually I tried to keep myself locked into a very lineal way of writing. Now I am just writing what I want as it comes to my head. It is proving itself to be useful and fun.

My kindergarten children all graduated last weekend. I didn't realise how much I would miss them until I walked into my new classroom and was confronted by my new students. I was so out of it that first day. I felt like I was under water all day. My friend Sara left the day before, three other teachers left and three more came, one of which is my brother.

That has been interesting, having my brother here. I have found that I am very impatient and easily annoyed. He has tons of questions and in my mind I wam thinking, "Just learn things as they come." He wants to be prepared but I know no amount of telling him what to expect would prepare him and it didn't. He got a horendous class. Well, actually three boys in particular are very hard to control, one is on medication that makes him zone out, and if they aren't controlled the whole class goes wild. My brother was told by me and others to be firm, to be consistent, to not let them see that he is nervous...well he did none of this and the kids smelled the fear on him right away. He became very angry, although he wouldn't admit it, and I told him that once he does get angry, the kids know they got him. Basically when someone becomes frustrated and angry they loose the ability to remain calm, rational, and be able to be consistent. I guess because I have been doing this for a long time I am not sensitive to the feelings of others who have never done it before. My brother doesn't seem to allow himself to recognize that he isn't going to be a good teacher right away. He has only been in a classroom for two days with some wild children that he doesn't know how to control. Not surprising seeing as it has only been two days. He is so focused on himself and his ego. He keeps comparing himself to other teachers who have been teaching much longer and he has no idea what is happening in other teachers' classrooms. I keep telling him that the staff knows that it is his first time. He was hired based on his potential not his current ability. If they wanted a well seasoned teacher, he wouldn't have been hired. He is already saying that he doesn't know how he is going to make it through the year...I am disappointed with his defeatest attitude. I thought he would see this as a challenge that he could overcome head on and remain positive. Once again, it has only been two days so I will try to be more patient.