The Inner Battle

I have come to realize that being brave includes travelling a different path and risking "falling behind" others. I own nothing of consequence only my choices, my adventures, my hopes, my desires, my projects that have yet to find full expression, and insecurities that impede the realization of my potential.

I have to make a concerted effort these days not to look at the lives of others and feel a sense of "less-thanness". I see people with successful businesses, professor-ing at universities with phds, raising children, owning homes, directors of dance companies, choreographing dance combinations that I could not imagine in my wildest dreams and my life seems so small and inconsequential.

Making an effort to prayerfully and with submission to God's Will, focus on myself and the work that needs to be done by me is my only safeguard against the jealousy born of ego. I have held myself back from doing many things because of my fear of ego but I have only fed the beast. By not following my intuitive voice I leave myself feeling unfulfilled and open myself to comparison to others and envy. When a person is not focused on their particular work they are looking at others do there's. I certainly do have my own visions to fulfill and at no time can I loose this vision as it means losing myself in many ways. I pray God that I have the openness of heart and mind to perceive His will as I move forward.