Part 4: Unacceptable

When I was five I stole something. My mother and I were in our small town's local Belk's store. I saw a collection of children's rings on display. They were real rings. Not like the aluminum ones I tried to get out of the gum ball machine for ten cents. No, these were real silver rings with Disney characters as the center piece. I remember asking my mother if I could have one and she told me no. While my mother was not looking I chose a Donald Duck ring and put it on my finger. We got to the car where my father and siblings were waiting before anyone noticed the ring on my finger. I am not sure if it was my father, mother or one of my siblings who first noticed. I do remember this, my father turning around and looking at me very hard while saying,

"Do you want to go to jail? Get to ride in the back of a police car? People who steal go to jail. "

My mother had an even better punishment. She took me out of the car and back into the Belk's store. She walked me up to the woman who had helped her with her purchase. I am not sure if my mother said anything to the woman or not but I do remember taking off the ring as the woman looked down at me from behind the counter with a very stern face. I reached up to put the ring on the counter while saying, "I'm sorry I took your ring."

I never stole anything again. The lesson was roundly learned. The understanding of the wrongness of what I had done went much deeper than any spanking I could have received. The admission of guilt, the embarrassment I felt and the disappointment I saw in the faces of the adults was punishment enough for me. The lesson, you don't break the law and if for some reason you do, you take responsibility for it.

This lesson stayed with me for the rest of my life. If I was not paying attention while driving and was stopped for driving above the speed limit, I paid the fines quickly. If I parked somewhere that I shouldn't have, I paid the fine right away. I never argued because I knew I was in the wrong. I always turn in my tax paperwork, even the years that I didn't make enough to file. As a teenager I could not bring myself to sneak out and go driving in my mother's car like so many other people my age were doing. I have never drank alcohol so I have not endangered another person's life by being negligent and driving drunk. I have never taken any narcotics so I have never lost the ability to be aware of myself or was at risk of being arrested for possession. After being emotionally abused I did not follow through on the urge to commit homicide. The times I had so little money that I did not know how I was going to eat, I did not turn to prostitution or stealing. After my short lived experience as a con artist at age five, I have had a strong abhorrence to doing anything wrong intentionally. On a deep level I understood that much more was expected of me and I had a responsibility to behave nobly.

The only thing I can say I have been guilty of is ignorance. The laws of the country in which I live are plentiful and complex. I do believe that it could take a semester of school just to get through the big ones. To understand the ins and outs of the laws we are bound to and the consequences of not following those laws requires time. The process from arrest to facing a judge in court can also be confusing. For a person who never had any intention of breaking the law much less of going to jail, the last thing I was thinking I needed to do was to understand this process. Yet, ignorance did not keep me from being arrested, going to jail, paying fines and paying for a lawyer. In the current justice system the knowing and the ignorant receive the same treatment. Being a teacher I feel this imbalance even more acutely. I realize that our young people are not being taught this information and yet they are being held accountable. I was aware of this injustice but not until I experienced it myself could I understand the awful implications of this negligence on the part of the adults in this society. This has created a shift for me as a teacher and as an independent investigator of truth. If a justice system reserves the right to punish its citizens then that same system must assume the responsibility of educating those same citizens.

As time has passed, it has been the arbitrary nature of my arrest that has really struck me. The fact that I could be arrested and held accountable with so little information is surprising to me. I never received notice that my license was suspended or even in danger of being suspended. Granted, I moved without changing the address on my license but I also provided a forwarding address. I received my car tax notice through forwarding and when I spoke to the resident at my previous address they let me know that they had never received any notice from the DMV.

I no longer feel safe in the country I grew up in. Seeing police officers does not make me feel safe anymore. I used to be with the majority of people who think if a person is arrested they are in the wrong. I thought that people who are arrested must have knowingly done something wrong so of course justice must be served. I also assumed that to be arrested the police officers had all of the necessary information. I no longer have that belief. I realize now that I live in a reactionary society. One that does not involve thought or due diligence before holding someone accountable. I live in a society that holds so lightly the lives of others that understanding the facts of something before making accusations is a respect not given. I live in a "punishment" driven society which generates money and power based on lack of knowledge, lack of respect, and lack of diligence. This is unacceptable.