From Complacency to Wakefulness

i woke up with an off feeling this morning. haven't felt this is awhile. not quite sure where it is coming from. i will do some praying and reading after i finish typing this.

i haven't written for some time and there is a BIG development that I can't believe I haven't blogged about. I am moving to Abu Dhabi in August and Ryan will follow some time after. I found a job teaching there and I am sooooo excited!!!! I am in the process of getting prepared for the classroom now. Starting with classroom management strategies first then looking at tools I can use for instruction. After not working for so long this is a wonderful project to work on.

Married life has been pretty quiet. We seem to deal with our issues as they come. Most of my problems, I realize have to do with myself. How much I take personal his struggles and idiosyncrasies. The extent to which I allow myself to become upset is directly connected to how much I am focusing on myself. What I need to be doing in my own process of growth. Luckily, he and I can talk about things when we are angry...even if I need to be left alone for a while we get to the issue. This seems to be happening less and less...the need for time between being upset and talking. Of course we both want talking to become consultation so this is the next step in the evolution of communication in this marriage.

My health is good. I am having some achy feelings in my ankles again after finishing the antibiotics. I will be going back to the doctor and hopefully getting a two month supply this time. I am having a cramping type pain in my left side. It started last year but very seldom. It is more frequent now. Yoga has been amazing and I will start dance classes soon hopefully. I miss dancing. We are pretty low on funds now so I really can't go out dancing so the dance class gift card I received as an incentive for a temp job I had is really great!!!

Life is definitely moving swiftly. I feel suspended in time. There is so much I would like to do but with such a short time I have learned from experience, it is best not to start things if you cannot provide the follow through. One thing I am learning is that I am an active person. I like to be involved in things...help things grow. I am an initiator. I feel the need for balance. I think this is important to me because things were so imbalanced for me as I grew up. In the past year or so I have learned to be more patient with myself and this process of growth. I have learned to love myself in all of my beautifully flawed humanity. Now the struggle for me is to follow through and overcome my fears of failure, feelings of not being enough, and playing small. I am feeling the need for a challenge. Something to push me forward in my growth. I know that God has an infinite supply of challenges. I think I found myself lulled into a kind of complacency while I was in Korea. It has taken a couple of years to shake that off. I think it was important for me to go through this window of time where the Faith took the back burner. Now I am feeling it is the only within the boundaries of the Faith that I trust I can be challenged and come out with a lesson that truly fulfills my spiritual needs.