Feeding the Spirit

I am finding myself in a very familiar place. The great intake of breath where silence prevails foreshadowing great changes. I am getting antsy with anticipation. I am continually coming back to my heart's passions; teaching, dancing, arts-infused education. My computer crashed a couple of days ago. I learned a long time ago that very few things happen that are coincidences. I was watching lots of Law and Order:SVU and movies on Net flicks to keep my mind occupied and keep me from going out and spending money. Now that I no longer have a diversion I am starting to think about lots of stuff.

I am pretty engaged in some heavy self work which is great but can also get taxing. I love how being married hasn't changed my standing with God as far as the work He gives me to do on myself. (HAHAHAHA!!) It seems that in these years since I left Chicago have all been about excavating so much inner poison as well as learning to trust my intuition and acting on it. I have struggled for years learning how to put into words what my internal, spirit voice is telling me. I know I learned to ignore my intuition very early on. It is especially hard to voice your concerns or intuition if you know that people won't respond well and it is not something that they see as a problem. I am learning that I do myself nor anyone else any favors trying to quiet what is being said in my gut. I also am on a path of learning how to undo my anxiety, sad, hurt language which is anger. I have spent the better part of these last 8 years trying to replace survival, victim behaviors with wise woman approaches. Right when I get one thing worked out another pops up. I speak to myself with anger quite often. I do believe that when I am able to replace my anger language with wise woman language, I will experience vast changes in my life.

I have started doing an exercise that my dear sister Asali shared with me through a podcast. It involves writing which I love. The writing exercise is called "Mad, Sad, Glad Pages" I have adapted it for my needs. Basically, on a loose piece of paper you write what is making you feel mad, sad, or anxiety. You write what you want to do in response to the feelings and you can be as dramatic as you like. After you do this you write your "Glad Pages" in a journal. You write all the things you are thankful or grateful for. The other exercise that I LOVE is the "Wise Journal". You go back and address all of your mad, sad, anxiety points from a perspective of wisdom. Listening to your wise voice. You keep the wise pages and glad pages but throw away the negative pages. Basically you name what is causing you pain, you address the pain and then let it go. I have just started and I must say it is extremely cathartic. I have only done the mad, sad, anxiety pages. I will do the glad pages and then the wise pages today.

I have missed writing. I miss dancing. I miss teaching. I miss creating. Luckily, I know that all I have to do is do it and it is done! No one but me has kept me from doing what I need to feed my spirit :)