Weekend I: Meeting Ryan Sawhill

I have wanted to write about my relationship with Ryan for some time but held back as years of experience told me that sometimes putting something into words can be premature and create expectations. Although Ryan and I will agree on the obvious things that took place regarding how we met, this is my version of how I “saw” things.

I started going to Charlotte pretty often from around New Years on. I found a great salsa community there and as a result I was also able to reconnect with some very dear friends such as: Dell and Roya Campbell, Kereshmeh Henderson, and Janeen Hicks. (Remember I was out of the country for 6 years.)

It was during one of my visits in May that Ryan and I met. I had come up to go to Alphonso Beckman's graduation and Shidaun Campbell was in a Poppin' battle that weekend also. While I was there I had dinner with Janeen Hicks. Of course during the course of that conversation topics like relationships, lessons learned, and internal growth were discussed. (She and I have never had a long “how's the weather?” conversation.) At some point during the dinner she said,

“I think you should meet Ryan Sawhill”....Me: ”Hmmmm, right”....and I changed the subject.

I started telling her about the 5 essential qualities or attributes that I knew were non-negotiable for me when meeting potential partners. I also told her, as I had told my dear sister Asali the week before, I don't want to get married right now. I want to be able to build with someone. I would prefer being in a friendship where the possibility was there but there was no pressure to make it more.

Again Janeen said, ,” I really think you should meet Ryan.” ...Me:”*Sigh* Ok, why?” And she went on to tell me how he fit all of the 5 qualities I needed in someone. This piqued my interest so I agreed that I would meet him that weekend.

Janeen called Ryan and this is the gist of what I overheard, “Hi Ryan! Guess what, Adalia's here.”.....”Well, she wants to get married and you want to get married so I think you should talk.”
(HAHAHAHA!!! Gotta love how Janeen beats around the bush.)

So, as it so happened, I was planning to go to two events that Ryan already had plans to attend. So we met at the Reflections Gathering, which was awkward to say the least...we didn't talk much as I remember it. :)

Later that day we rode together to the battle that Shidaun was participating in. It was during this ride that I shifted from, “interesting person” to “maybe this is something worth paying attention to.” Ryan did something that no other man had ever done and that is, he took initiative. He acknowledged the awkwardness and was very open with where he was at the moment. Amazingly we were both on the same page. Both were open, honest, authentic people who, although wanted to marry, we didn't want it to be the end all goal. We both wanted to build rather than push and hurry. Being friends was most important.Major room to breathe.

So, after an awesome evening watching Shidaun vanquish his opponents and win the poppin' battle I went back to Kereshmeh's. Now, as a result of major mis-communication, I ended up car-less in Charlotte so Kereshmeh was driving me back to the beach the next day. During the course of the evening I told Ryan about the trip the next day so imagine my surprise when he sent me a text later that evening asking if he could come along. Initiative. Impressive to Adalia.

The trip turned out to be so much fun. It was the best time I had had at the beach with friends in a long time. So, when Ryan and Kereshmeh left I knew that not only did I have a new friend but here was a person that there could potentially be more with. For the first time I had no expectations or goals other than to build. To be present and to be completely myself.