Embracing Solitude

i almost wish he had not called. i was beginning to forget. i was beginning to no longer miss him. now the ache is back. the wondering if i should call or not call. having so much to tell him. i have been like a river dammed in his absense. i am an ant. a tiny bug to be squashed once again under his feet. i feel it. that is what frightens me is knowing that i will be rejected yet again. my mind is racing and i am fighting old habits. i am fighting old tendancies. i wish i could embrace my solitude.