Breaking Up with Me

i am feeling small again. that feeling like i am not a good person. i am the most judgemental person about myself.

i got nothing going on here. i am worker bee in the english industry. i am beginning to feel so ready to leave. there is no Naw-Ruz celebration because no one in this friggin' country can get off of work and out of school. i am on lock down at my hakwon...where even if you have a cut requiring stitches they want you in class teaching right after you leave the doctor's office...so no off work for Naw-Ruz!

i am tired now of having nothing to do but myself. go where i want to go. do what i want to do...and work in a job that cares as little for me as a person as the language i am teaching. i sucked at Fasting this year...really SUCKED!! my ex-boyfriend was drawing his own conclusions about my spiritual state in his own mind...it could be residual fear from the past ex who made it known what he thought of me...now i think i am a mind reader..." i will not be made to feel like shit again because some man who thinks he has the corner on living a spiritual life can judge me," says the mind reader...based on no fact of course.

i am starting to feel like shit though not because of anything he has said or done but because i can see myself...i see my weaknesses and my ugliness....and am sad about not living up to my own potential and sense of integrity...i am breaking up with me.