The Fine Print of a Group Centered Society

Korea is a beautiful, warm, and fascinating place. Korea is a very homogenous, tradition entrenched, and xenophobic country. This has been the two faces of Korea that I have experienced. I have found that in the countryside people are much nicer and warm. In the city I have found coldness and not just the winter weather. I think this is to be expected of most cities in the world. To truly experience Korea I would not suggest living in Seoul or even Busan. Granted there is much more to do in the city but the transportation system in this country is first rate so getting to the city is extremely easy and inexpensive.

Something that has truly amazed me though is how people in Seoul treat eachother. Overall it seems that most Koreans here are so afraid of standing out that they don't do anything that would call attention to themselves.

For example, when my friend Irene and I were on the subway one evening, two women and a group of children were sitting in our car. The subway came to a stop and the gaggle of children and the two women got off. Suddenly one of the women started banging on the subway car window as the train started moving. She was yelling and banging. Everyone looked at her then in the direction she was gestering. There, on the seats across from us, was a kid knocked out. I guess the women didn't realise he was asleep and he was overlooked as they exited. The train started speeding up and not a single person moved. Everyone sat there looking at eachother. Me and Irene were the only foreigners in car. Not a single Korean person moved. When we realised that no one was going to get this kid off at the next stop so his mom could meet him, she and I got up to move him to the door. I don't know how old this kid was but he was big, heavy, and dead to the world. So here were these two skinny, foreign women trying to lift, carry, walk this kid to the door. Meanwhile no one got up to help. We got to the next stop, got off and took this kid to the platform where he woke up enough to see two foreign women who cannot speak Korean holding him up. Now I don't know about anyone else but I would have been FREAKED out by this if I were a kid. Luckily, a subway official came up to us right away. I guess someone at the previous stop had sent the message that a kid had been left on the train.

Now, as I write this I am still angered and shocked by the lack of concern the people in the car had. You would think that in a group centered society people would look out for each other. I have discovered there is small print...loyalty is with the group YOU BELONG to. Now if someone in the car had known the woman they probably would have helped.

I have seen people fall and no one stop to help them up. My sister Sopia, who is Korean, had this huge heavy suitcase once and we were going to a restaurant to eat. A man walking in front of us got to the door and just let in close in our faces. I won't even touch the fact that he didn't even bother to help her with her suitcase. There seems to be no sense that there are other people around you.

I think before I came to Korea I imagined a very different "group conciousness". I imagined that people would take care of eachother even strangers. I imagined courtesy and acknowledgement. What I have seen, especially in Seoul, is fear. Fear of standing out from the crowd. Fear of anything outside of the group people may belong to. Fear of acknowledging others. This group centered society seems very oppresive and the expectation is that people give into the group they belong to, even if it is wrong. The job of the individual is to uphold the status quo.

I don't remember things being so blatant when I lived outside of the city. I am not sure that this is Korean culture or city culture. I think it is a bit of both maybe. I have found that my first few years here were awesome and I lived outside of the city. I moved to Seoul where the focus was being placed on building up the Baha'i community. Luckily, I have been able to be of service here but I think if I were to come back I would move further south and to a smaller town.

The best things about living in Seoul though are that most of my friends are here and that has been true throughout my years here. There is also a pretty active Baha'i community and the Salsa community is HUGE. There is brunch on Sunday, western goods can be found easier, and there is also so much to do. I don't thimk I realised until now that I am not an "city" type person. I don't like the noise, the loss of connect, the absence of concern for others.

Of course, I cannot generalize and say that all people are this way all the time but the greater percentage of the things I have seen have not been the way I would want to live my life. I smile much less now. I have adopted the "eyes straight ahead" walk . I don't like this effect. Living here in Seoul has also awakened some of my own insecurities which is a good thing. My friend Brian who is from Texas still smiles at people and akcnowledges them whether it is reciprocated or not. I think he has found though that most people do reciprocate. So the challange has been reflecting the attitude of a Baha'i which means overcoming my own insecurities.