i don't have time for this!!!

6 months after meeting *****.....

I am back in a bad way again. I don't know what keeps triggering these episodes. I am so angry at *****. I am so hurt by him too. I hate the fact that I tried being friends with him after things ended. It has put more pressure on me now. I am not sure which person is the real person. The guy I met at first or the one that decided he didn't want to be with me later. His behavior changed. Instead of conversations there were debates and the things I thought we saw eye to eye on we didn't. I am not sure who he is and I really don't feel comfortable continuing a friendship with him. He isn't clear and I have lost trust in him.

I realised this morning he is a low level leech. I say low level meaning that he isn't obvious and not completely draining but draining enough. He gets what he wants but stays distant. Once has what he wants he moves on...until he wants something else. I once said to him that he would make a good marriage partner but that was before I really knew him. That was before I knew it was all about him. Him getting what he wanted. Before I saw and felt the extent to which he protects and guards himself. That is all well and good as long as he didn't try to pull someone else into his life but giving the impression that he wanted something while all the time knowing it wasn't going to be recipricol is s888y...the funny thing is that he expected me to remain open and giving. I think what has pissed me off even more is piece of a conversation that my sister had with him that she shared with me, "Well, **** and I decided that the perfect woman for him is a blend of you and me." What that hell? That would have been pretty cool to say if the guy had never gotten involved with me.

I was so busy trying not to be angry at him in the beginning that I took responsibility for myself but never resolved the anger I had towards him that is quite natural. I felt bad for being angry.

What a mess!!!